my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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