im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
