new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We are two peas in an std pod
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Randomize
