farters have to be the big spoon...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
