My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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