I wanna bring you to show and tell
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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