I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
