Redeem this text for a blowjob
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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