She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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