I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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