on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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