Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
