As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
