Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
