Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's blow job season.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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