New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
