I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
