dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
