He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
