Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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