Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
