Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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