i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
