Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
