a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
