hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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