I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
