Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
