Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
