She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
