At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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