We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
