You smell like a Billy Joel song
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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