Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
