I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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