I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
