I must be too annoying 4 u.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
