Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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