i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize