I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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