What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Come see our sink grown plant.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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