I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
