she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
