i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
