peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
