i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
