my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
