I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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