We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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