you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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