Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
