It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
